Several nights ago, I made spaghetti for Dad and I. Well, of course I was still hurting because the steroids haven't kicked in yet, and the later in the day, the worse it hurts. (ok, enough whining you say?)
I felt a little frustrated that he just sat there and turned his chair toward the patio doors, and I cleaned everything up. The heavy spaghetti pot of water, dishes, etc. Then I thought, oh, how petty of me. This man has taken me in and been so good to me, and his health is not good. As I was cleaning up it hit me. HARD! OMG, my poor Dad had to do EVERYTHING for the house, bills, errands, shopping, and take care of my Mother for Y E A R S !!!!! Of course he deserves a break, and I'm fortunate to be able to some opportunities, however small, that I can do for him!
There is another silver lining that came from such a horrible event.
As you know, my dear friend, the silver linings keep us going. You are going through one of your largest life struggles right now; to name all your stressors would be impossible for me for I'm sure there are even more than I'm aware. Besides sitting next to death, your longest life connection/partnership is changing. Maybe focus on the fact that it is changing, not ending. I love you both as do a lot of people and you've shared SO many life events and know each other so well still, after the pain has eased. My wish is for you both is to accept that your relationship has changed but embrace the positive results of your marriage and build on that. I do not like to give advice for the watcher in me is always criticizing my words. I KNOW it isn't easy but you are getting stronger and I'm so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteAt the wake for my Uncle Ardell last night, I saw pain on my father's face for the first time that I can remember. WOW! Like Bette Davis said, "Getting Old Ain't for Sissies!" I think of all my aunts and uncles so much older than me and hope they don't think of death as oh so near. Personally, I wanna get the hell to a warmer climate and start living while I still can.
I cannot imagine the emotions you've been experiencing. Bless YOU REALLY for being there for your people. You are one fantastic human being. I think (hope) your physical pain will ease once all this emotional stress lessens and it will. It's hard to believe but time does heal all wounds. I like to say it doesn't heal all the wounds but it definitely provides a solid scab! Is that gross or poetic? I Love You and as the great disco songs says, you "will survive". Big Brother are you there???