I was a ping pong ball

I had a decent counseling session last Saturday.  Then things started snowballing. I let things snowball.

My Dad was not doing well in the hospital and I felt that he was continuing to get worse, and might die soon.  I had received more divorce paperwork that I had to work on.  Stuff at work had really bothered me, I felt disrespected and possibly being targeted to make me look bad.  I don't know if I was told the truth that Mike was on Meth.  And was beginning to believe the person who told me was lying.

I wasn't taking care of myself.  I was thinking too much about the past and the future.  I didn't want a divorce.  I didn't know why we had to get a divorce.  He will not tell me.  And subconsciously I might have been afraid that I would be alone.

So I had a counseling session on Tuesday, and was already crying.  It was primarily because I didn't want a divorce.  She really helped me through it.  She explained that if one person quits, there is nothing the other one can do.  That really sunk in.  Then she said that I deserve to be treated better.  That Tim was playing with my emotions.  He was, but I had allowed it.  Now I know that I cannot and will not let that happen again.

Learning to live differently is a slow process, and I occasionally take a step back, but I feel like I am making progress.

I have allowed people to treat me disrespectfully or abusively.  I am not going to tolerate it anymore, by anyone.

After the counseling session on Tuesday, I have been so much better!  I am happy.  I am not letting others choices bother me.  If they have issues, then they have to work through them.  Those issues are not my fault. 

I am choosing to be happy.  I am choosing to live in the moment.  I have lots of things that need to be "done", but I decided to go shopping for clothes after I visited Dad tonight.  It was tiring, but it was "taking care of myself"  I deserve and need new clothes.  I've lost 40 pounds!  It's not been easy, and I have about 16 pounds to go.

I am going to drink more water and less caffeine, I'm going to make good food choices, I am going to take time for myself, and take care of myself FIRST.  It's not selfish.  I cannot be in a good relationship or bring good to the relationship without making sure I am taking care of my basic needs