So, where should I be by now? Should I have recovered from this relationship and moved on? I probably should have fired my counselor a long time ago because I think she was too judgemental and didn't make me WANT to go to counseling. Maybe I needed a male counselor. Or mabye I needed on who was more assertive. One who would help me focus on my goals rather than my feelings. I'm sick of feeling. That's one this she did know and accurately describe about me. I feel deeply be it good or bad. When I love, I love deeply. I want so much now to have a loving man beside me in bed who will roll over and pull me to him. To make me FEEL loved. Please God, let me have someone come into my life and give me just love. I don't think I ask for too much from a relationship, but the purpose of a relationship is just that, right? To love & be loved? To have companionship? To KNOW that you have someone you can cout on?
I don't know where to start, but I have to start looking for love because that is the person I am. Tim doesn't want to love me. He wants me to find some other man to love me. I think that is the hardest reality in my life that I have ever had to deal with. However, I'm better at accepting it now that I have been. I will never be glad that Tim abandoned me. There is nothing that will ever make it ok that we are not in love and treating each other with the most loving kindness, and learning to be in love again. I have no choice. I never got to even have a chance at trying.
Time stop because it hurts too much and I'm crying.
No comments:
Post a Comment